This is from a long post I had posted in bits and pieces on a cake forum earlier this year...with a story of a very ODD customer. If it seems pieced together, it is, but it was so funny I had to include it here.
____
One day my phone rings and it's this woman, who sounds very..normal. No foreign accent, articulate, friendly, personable, slightly chatty, etc. She tells me she's calling me from Africa (eyebrow up), and that they are going to be moving home soon to a local mansion that they have bought. They are "renewing their vows" (at this point I'm still with her) before flying off to Hawaii and Disneyland, in that order (other eyebrow starting to go up).
She asks if I can do a pillow cake with a crown on it. I say sure. She says, "Because my husband's...ACTUALLY a prince." I'm thinking, "Okay, your husband's a great guy." But she's trying to say he's actual royalty, and she mentions it several more times. I'm unimpressed (sorry). But yes, I can do a crown on a pillow.
Her next request is that she wants a four-foot-tall Faberge design cake, and can I do this? I say that I can, but first I need to know her wedding date. She says, "Oh...you know...soon." We talk about design for a minute. She's obviously on my website, and compliments me on cakes. But in small talk she also keeps mentioning that her husband "works at the embassy," and that they are "financially comfortable," (starting to lose me here, why does this matter?). She also needs to tell me that her husband, who's a prince, remember, is half-Australian and half-South African, but that her daughter is: White (me: "Huh? So?"). Both eyebrows starting to be annoyed.
She asks about tastings and flavors, and we have a somewhat normal conversation about that--what he likes, what she likes etc. She sounds pretty sane. I tell them they can come in if they want (when they're in the States, that is). She tells me again, "That would be nice, but my husband's...black. But he USED to be white." At this point, I'm like, WTF??
I told her to send me an order online and I would check my calender and see if I'm available (I'm booked thru June heavily, so that's true.). She says she only wants to work with me.
I figure I'm not going to hear from her. Ten minutes later I get an online order with her info (her name as Princess *insert name*) and that she will take whatever date I want and give me directions "when they're in the States". The order has no capitalization (even for the name of the mansion), and the design info is...odd (like those Nigerian scam orders) and random.
I looked up her number (duh, Poynt, people), and it's a LEWISTON, IDAHO phone number. Okay. So she took her Idaho cell phone to Africa to live? And the name of the "mansion" they're "buying" to live in, in two weeks, is a major venue I deal with in Spokane, so I called them and said, "Hey, this is Stef--are you guys for sale?" Of course we had a bit of a laugh about it, because of course they're not. But really. What's the POINT of all this???
I emailed her and said I'd gotten to my desk and see that I don't, in fact, have any dates open in June, best luck in the future, etc.
The same day, I got a TEXT from her with an incredible photo of a Faberge egg vase filled with gorgeous flowers. This would be the inspiration for the 4' tall cake she's wanting. With a CB# of her Idaho cell number.
WTH?
She did sound very rational, but yes, she did keep bringing up his color, and yes, I swear she said he's black,...but he used to be white... I let that one go. But I did say I don't care what color he is; bring him in.
I decided to call her and tell her I didn't see any June dates open (I really didn't have time for a 4' cake that month unless I worked 24-hour shifss) and see where it goes. But NO sending me extra money.
She also asked for a caterer's number for a reference, and I gave her one before I started wondering about the whole thing, so I then called THEM and left a message that if an African princess calls for a party, to please let me know.
Also I'd love to know what time is it at the South African embassy, when it's 2 pm PST here? Just a thought...
Assuming I'm willing to go along with the fact that, okay, yes, they're royalty and they don't know their next address, then (possibly) I could be looking at a very expensive cake. Am I supposed to call her Your Majesty next time? What's the protocol for visiting royalty by phone in Idaho? The whole conversation was very pleasant and chatty, albeit surreal and with way too much odd personal info from her ("Did I mention we're rich?" WHO announces that??), and I was driving in heavy traffic, which makes me a little ADD anyway. But maybe she's an eccentric princess who really just loves red velvet and wants a 4' Faberge egg in cake.
Assuming all that--she also still reminded me very much of a woman we knew when I was a kid, who actually lived with us in the 1970s, who was very schizophrenic and on heavy meds, and when she would go off her meds, she would call me from Seattle when I was 13 and be like, "Hiiii Stef...I'm having a tea party. Do you want to come to my tea party?" And I'd be on the phone looking at my mom, like, "Isn't Diane still in SEATTLE?!? Seven hours away??" Then, "Sure, Diane, I'd love that. Yeah, okay, well, here's my mom." She was very odd when off meds, but in a sweet believable way.
Here's the next chapter. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.
She called me the next day. I knew it was her, because I saved her in my cell as "Princess XX from Africa LOL." My kids are like, "Answer it!! Do it!"
So, she had now picked a date in July and a venue (the nicest one in the area, and no she's not living in it) and a backup venue idea.
She picked a cake from my website, said she wants exactly that design. She did mention she wants it 6' tall. I stopped her here and said: "OKAY. First I need to know how, many are we feeding?" She's like, "About 40." I said, "You realize a cake to be 6' tall is going to need a lot of styrofoam dummies, or you're ordering a ton of extra cake". She's like, that's okay, I love cake. I said, "No I mean, thousands of dollars worth", so she said that it doesn't matter then, just copy the 4-tier round on the web and add some pearls and sugar diamonds. She picked flavors and fillings for all four tiers, although at one point she said she wants ME to pick all the flavors (huh??? um, no). I reminded her that the cake she's ordering will only be like 18"-20" tall. She said that's fine, it doesn't have to be huge (?). This is all starting to REALLY NOT MAKE SENSE.
She didn't mention anyone's color this time, which was a plus. She did mention that it was 4 a.m. where she is, and she was kind of tired, but she that has to get up and deal with all this planning at wierd hours because that's the time difference to get vendors over 'here' during regular hours. (oooohh-kay).
She still wanted a pillow cake with a crown and gold tassles (because that's a royal color), and a frog inside the crown, because she had to kiss a lot of frogs to get her prince (believable? sure).
I asked her if she's already booked the venue; she said it's one or the other but hasn't booked yet. (I have calls in to both to check this). She didn't mention moving INto a venue this time, just said that by that time "their house should be finished".
The whole time, I'm thinking, she is so rational to visit with and very appreciative of my taking the time to help her with this, etc., etc., that (aside from the original wacky details) she could be any lady I've talked to, who's planning a cake.
So I wrapped it up with telling her that I will get all her details into a quote and email it to her. If she wants to book it, there's a $100 deposit to hold the date. The balance is due a month before the event. She said that's fine and that her daughter is here in Idaho and can get that to me. (very normal, no offering of extra funds or whatever). She's like, "Oh thank you so much; I know it will be perfect." etc.
Ok, I do have to recall that she mentioned some of the cake is being taken BACK to Africa, at which point I said italian meringue isn't a good idea for long travel, and she said they'd be using dry ice. (what EVER)
NOW the 64 million dollar is: WTH.. is this?
I called my bank and totally enthralled the lovely girl there with the story. She now wants to be on the list of updates when this all does/doesn't happen. ("Call me. I mean it.") She said a cashier's check is okay but can be a fraud, and frauds can go for 7 years out, in terms of them being able to suck the funds BACK out of my account if it turns out to be fraud. She said cash of course is best, or a credit card from the daughter and give everything lots of time to clear, etc. Of course my contracts state that nothing is refundable after certain dates etc. And of course I wouldn't let her 'over'pay me (whoops), so I'm thinking...yep; I'm booked, lady. er, Your Highness... (muffled laughter)
I took the time to reverse look up the phone number, remember I said it appears to be a Lewiston number?
Well. It says it's a...(ready?) LANDLINE in Lewiston.
So how. IN. THE. HECK is she calling me from AFRICA?
I decided I have no idea what is up with this, but she's got to be lying about everything or, as a friend suggested, making her "one phone call from the asylum today" to yank my chain.
So much for rational, sane-sounding lunatics.
"Yes, hello, Room Service? I'd like a glass of water and some librium. Thanks." --Stef
No comments:
Post a Comment