In the past three years of having my cell phone, I have received numerous calls for people that are not me, or related at all to me, or even in my time zone. There are a few specific names folks have called for on my number quite frequently over the years. I want to meet these people someday. I feel like I've watched them grow up; I've spent the last three years listening to phone calls they'll never get, answering texts inviting them to parties I wonder if they ever got to, and regretfully informing people I've never met that regardless of how much I'd love to join them for pizza and Despicable Me, I cannot, because I'm not Willis Buffington and I don't live in Montana. I've gotten so many texts from certain people that I have their number saved in my contacts.
One such number belongs to a guy named Maurice. Maurice is my homie. Every few months I get a handful of calls and texts in the middle of the night asking me if I want to hang out. I kind of get my hopes up that someone wants me to hang out with them, and then I see it's just Maurice, and I tell him I'm still not Willis Buffington, and I go to sleep. I feel a little pang of guilt when I get those texts. I feel like I'm living vicariously through someone else's social life.
Willis Buffington is an exceptionally popular person with colleges I've never heard of. I get phone calls from schools that Mr. Buffington apparently sent in an information request for. These conversations usually go along the lines of:
And then there's Jared. Jared is another freaky person who has my number. I actually called myself once from a friend's phone, and a guy named Jared picked up and told me I had the wrong number. I called the same number again, and my own phone went off. One of my favorite conversations I've ever had was with a girl calling Jared.
I have also received ominous voicemails from a British answering machine for a Marshall Helburg.
I listened to the entire message once.
Just kidding. It was just a credit company calling to let Mr. Helburg know they needed to talk to him.
I've often been tempted to do what my dad suggests and just call back and say to "meet me at the usual place" every time one of these lovely people happen across my phone number. It's perfect for any situation.
Maybe Willis, Mr. Helburg, and Jared should all get their people together at the usual place. Like Maurice's house. Then maybe I can get some sleep.
*Note: Names of random people have been changed for their protection.
words and art copyright 2013 by Sabrina Smith
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